A Britney-Free Diet
Recently, in an attempt to punish myself for not getting Double Dare Press new software mastered and having an ancient issue posted, I gave up tabloids. To admit how much I adore such publications as People and The Enquirer (later more even than former), is a shameful thing.
I pride myself in not watching television (never seen Survivor, Lost, American Idol, the list goes on and on) so it is with a heavy heart that I reach out and grab eight to ten dollars of pure glossy trash each week. (By the way, what is that tunnel that you have to walk through to pay for your items at the grocery store? It is like a hazing ceremony. Can you resist miniature hand purifiers? The gauntlet of chocolate is like a Satanic welcoming ceremony to those of us on a low-carb diet.
The only thing between you and paying for your groceries should be a stack of adult Depends. No temptation whatsoever. Even if you need those things, it can’t be fun purchasing it.)So, basically, giving up tabloids was like breaking up with Britney Spears. The last I saw from headlines, that skanky guy who was her shadow might be baby-daddy two.
This is killing me. They probably have the EPT test results in a scratch or sniff form somewhere inside my beloved Star. It turns out that I’m taking my split with Britney not very well.
Hives have been reported, and I think I may have arm cancer. These are the direct result of not being distracted by my girlfriend’s antics, I know it is. So, basically, I’m willing to call anything an editorial just to get Double Dare Press posted so that I can once again caress the cool smooth pages of delicious pap.
I’m hoping they do celebrity body part bingo where they focus on sags and cellulite on women the size of my right thigh.
One Response to “A Britney-Free Diet”
Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
hey, i love the look of the new lay out
adult depends?, too f-ing funny
going to read the gas article